AGGRESSIVE CHILDREN

One of the greatest concerns that parents have for their child/ren is when they display aggressive or violent behaviours in social or educational settings. Fortunately, this is something we don’t see a lot of in our school and when we do, it is dealt with in a respectful, protective or restorative manner.

One of the key tenants in our St Ita’s Whole School Approach To Positive Behaviour (WSAPB) is about helping all in our school community to build a climate of respectful inclusiveness. The key message we promote on a daily basis to all our students is, we keep our hands to ourselves and treat each other respectfully.

As a parent, you’ve probably dealt with your fair share of tantrums, meltdowns and freak-outs. Emotional regulation is a skill we all have to learn, and some kids take longer to master self-control than others. But how do you know when your child’s aggressive or violent behaviour is not just part of their learning curve, but is getting out of hand? And what can you do to help? 

Do most kids act out like this?

It’s all about knowing what’s developmentally appropriate. “We generally expect toddlers to experience some aggressive behaviours,” says paediatric psychologist Emily Mudd, PhD.

“At this stage, kids tend to resort to physical expressions of their frustration, simply because they don’t yet have the language skills to express themselves. For example, pushing a peer on the playground could be considered typical. We wouldn’t necessarily call that aggression unless it was part of a pattern.”

How do you recognise true aggression?

By the time a child is old enough to have the verbal skills to communicate his or her feelings — around age 7 — physical expressions of aggression should taper off, she says.

If that’s not happening, it’s time to be concerned, especially if your child is putting himself or others in danger, or is regularly damaging property.

Watch for warning signs that your child’s behaviour is having a negative impact:

• Struggling academically.
• Having difficulty relating to peers.
• Frequently causing disruptions at home.

“These warning signs are cause for concern and should not be ignored,” she says.

Your child’s behaviour may have an underlying cause that needs attention. ADHD, anxiety, undiagnosed learning disabilities and autism can all create problems with aggressive behaviour.

“Whatever the cause, if aggressive behaviour impacts your child’s day-to-day functioning, it’s time to seek help,” Dr. Mudd says.

Start by talking with your paediatrician. If necessary, he or she can refer you to a mental health professional to diagnose and treat problems that may cause aggression.

What can parents do to help their child?

Dr. Mudd recommends these strategies for helping your child tame his or her aggression:

1. Stay calm. “When a child is expressing a lot of emotion, and the parents meet that with more emotion, it can increase the child’s aggression,” she says. Instead, try to model emotional regulation for your child.
2. Don’t give in to tantrums or aggressive behaviour. For example, if your child is having a tantrum at the grocery store because she wants a particular cereal, don’t give in and buy it. This is rewarding, and reinforces the inappropriate behaviour.
3. Catch your child being good. Reward good behaviour, even when your child isn’t doing anything out of the ordinary. If dinnertime is problem-free, say, “I really like how you acted at dinner.” Treats and prizes are not necessary. Recognition and praise are powerful all on their own.
4. Help kids learn to express themselves by naming emotions. For example, you may say “I can tell you’re really angry right now.” This validates what your child is feeling and encourages verbal, instead of physical, expression.
5. Know your child’s patterns and identify triggers. Do tantrums happen every morning before school? Work on structuring your morning routine. Break down tasks into simple steps, and give time warnings, such as “We’re leaving in 10 minutes.” Set goals, such as making it to school on time four days out of five. Then reward your child when he or she meets those goals.
6. Find appropriate rewards. Don’t focus on financial or material goals. Instead, try rewards like half an hour of special time with mum or dad, choosing what the family eats for dinner, or selecting what the family watches for movie night.

If your child is struggling with self-control, incorporating these strategies into your parenting should help you rein in those behaviours.

If the situation seems unmanageable, remember that you are not the only one struggling with your child’s behaviour. Paediatric psychologists are adept at helping children and families solve emotional and behavioural problems. Ask your paediatrician for the names of mental health professionals in your area.

ST ITA’S MOBILE PHONE POLICY

Last week our school staff meeting looked at the growing number of mobile phones in our student community and how they are being used in our school community and it’s a good opportunity to outline our St Ita’s mobile phone policy. The mobile phone policy allows all students and parents to be aware of the school’s expectations of children who have a mobile device (Phone, Watch or Tablet) at school.

Rationale for our St Ita’s Mobile Phone Policy

• Use of telecommunications technology has become the norm rather than the exception for many of the families in the school.
• Communication between students and people outside of the school are possible using a variety of methods.
• We aim to ensure communications are legitimate, appropriate and do not interrupt the good order of the school.
• The core business of our school is to promote and support teaching and learning in an environment free from unnecessary distraction or disruption.
• The school discourages the bringing of mobile phones to school by students but we accept there are times when it might be deemed important.

Students Expectations

• Mobile phones are brought to school at entirely the owner’s risk. The school will not be involved in disputes and/or investigations over damage, loss or theft.
• Phones must be kept in school bag during the school day and do not go out on the yard at recess or lunch.
• Due to privacy considerations, phone cameras cannot be used whilst at school.
• We ask that phones are not to be taken on excursions or camps.
• As phones are to be turned off at school, they cannot be used on wet weather inside play as music or game devices on wet days or inside lunch and recess.
• Students breaching the policy will be subject to the normal student behaviour management consequences. The student will be instructed to pass the phone to a member of the schools leadership team for the rest of the day and can be collected once the bell has gone to end the day.
• If procedures continue to not be followed, the phone will be collected from the student and the parent will be asked to collect the phone from either the Principal or Deputy.

Parents

• Reinforce that phones are to be kept secure and turned off at all times during the school day.
• Instruct students to keep their telephone out of sight.
• Ensure inappropriate material is not stored on the phone.
• Parents are not to contact students during the school day by mobile phone. If parents need to urgently contact a student they should follow normal procedure and contact the school via admin on (03) 5623 7222. Students will then be contacted and supported as necessary.

Staff

• Personal mobile phones are brought to school at the owner’s risk.
• Personal mobile phones are to be switched to mute during class teaching and learning periods and during scheduled school meetings.
• All mobile phones to be switched to mute when in public areas, including interviews, meetings and classrooms.

Parents, visitors and contractors

• All users are to switch their phones to mute when in public areas, including meetings, interviews and classrooms.
• All parents and visitors are to take and make mobile calls outside of teaching and learning areas.